{"id":879,"date":"2013-08-09T09:39:17","date_gmt":"2013-08-09T16:39:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/?p=879"},"modified":"2014-01-16T20:53:10","modified_gmt":"2014-01-17T03:53:10","slug":"couples-counseling-and-the-high-funtioning-woman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2013\/08\/couples-counseling-and-the-high-funtioning-woman\/","title":{"rendered":"Couples Counseling and the High Funtioning Woman"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Many (most) women who come into my office with their partners \u00a0to work on their troubled relationships\u00a0are\u00a0quite high functioning.\u00a0 At least from my <\/em>observations, these woman really display a skill in multi-tasking.\u00a0 Sometimes, this remarkable functionality keeps her busy – so busy that I get the impression that she’s racing to keep ahead of something.\u00a0 While I am not a fan of long dissections of our childhood to get at what is going on now<\/em>, I also believe its impossible to understand that now<\/em> without some flavor of the past.\u00a0 Our families of origin are where we learn our earliest and most indelible lessons.\u00a0 True or false – here is where we first learn\u00a0about ourselves in the world. \u00a0 Are intimate relationships safe?\u00a0 Am I worthy of love?\u00a0 How do others really <\/em>see me?<\/p>\n

The highly effective woman will often come into my office with the most poignant, powerful dilemma.\u00a0 On the one hand, she has gotten it done<\/em> throughout her life – often in the face of an utter absence of love and support from her important caretaker(s).\u00a0 She grew up believing that there was nobody she could ever really lean on.\u00a0 In fact, the idea of really leaning on anyone is so frightening – What if they can’t or don’t want to be there for me.\u00a0 What if my need is an imposition or a reason for them to judge and dismiss me as not worthy of love.\u00a0 Better I take care of myself.<\/p>\n

Yet that is exactly<\/em> what a close, bonded, adult attachment relationship is – Knowing that you will be there to catch me if I fall.\u00a0 There is nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of.\u00a0 There are lots of ways that can happen for us.\u00a0 Guys need it in their ways.\u00a0\u00a0He may think of it in terms of sex or as being okay and still loved even if he screws something up.\u00a0 She may just need to know that she can collapse every once in a while – to be exhausted or overwhelmed or scared and it’ll be okay.\u00a0 She <\/em>will be okay.\u00a0 She will still be seen as strong, worthy, desired – still be loved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Many (most) women who come into my office with their partners \u00a0to work on their troubled relationships\u00a0are\u00a0quite high functioning.\u00a0 At least from my observations, these woman really display a skill in multi-tasking.\u00a0 Sometimes, this remarkable functionality keeps her busy – so busy that I get the impression that she’s racing to keep ahead of something.\u00a0 Continue reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,5],"tags":[41,8,21,18],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=879"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":890,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions\/890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}