{"id":847,"date":"2013-04-09T09:48:28","date_gmt":"2013-04-09T16:48:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/?p=847"},"modified":"2014-04-07T16:32:12","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T23:32:12","slug":"its-always-something","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2013\/04\/its-always-something\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s Always Something….."},"content":{"rendered":"

Dan Wile, Ph.D. is a remarkably gifted – and funny – couples therapist who has written a number of fine books on the realities of joining our lives together.\u00a0 Two of his classics are After the Fight<\/em><\/a> and\u00a0 After the Honeymoon.\u00a0 <\/em>Here is what Wile has to say about the inevitable differences that arise\u00a0\u00a0between us in relationship:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cPaul married Alice and Alice gets loud at parties and Paul, who is shy, hates that.\u00a0 But if Paul had married Susan, he and Susan would have gotten into a fight before they even got to the party.\u00a0 That\u2019s because Paul is always late and Susan hates to be kept waiting.\u00a0 She would feel taken for granted, which she is very sensitive about.\u00a0 Paul would see her complaining about this as her attempt to dominate him, which he is very sensitive about.\u00a0 If Paul had married Gail, they wouldn\u2019t have even gone to the party because they would still be upset about an argument they had the day before about Paul\u2019s not helping with the housework.\u00a0 To Gail when Paul does not help she feels abandoned, which she is sensitive about, and to Paul, Gail\u2019s complaining is an attempt at domination, which he is sensitive about.\u00a0 The same is true about Alice.\u00a0 If she had married Steve, she would have the opposite problem, because Steve gets drunk at parties and she would get so angry at his drinking that they would get into a fight about it.\u00a0 If she had married Lou, she and Lou would have enjoyed the party but then when they got home the trouble would begin when Lou wanted sex because he always wants sex when he wants to feel closer, but sex is something Alice wants when she already feels close.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>\u201c\u2026there is value, when choosing a long-term partner, in realizing that you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you\u2019ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or fifty years.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dan Wile, Ph.D. is a remarkably gifted – and funny – couples therapist who has written a number of fine books on the realities of joining our lives together.\u00a0 Two of his classics are After the Fight and\u00a0 After the Honeymoon.\u00a0 Here is what Wile has to say about the inevitable differences that arise\u00a0\u00a0between us Continue reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,5],"tags":[25,41,8],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=847"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":849,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/847\/revisions\/849"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=847"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=847"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=847"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}