{"id":837,"date":"2013-05-14T09:47:08","date_gmt":"2013-05-14T16:47:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/?p=837"},"modified":"2014-04-07T16:32:55","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T23:32:55","slug":"therapy-metaphors-from-movies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2013\/05\/therapy-metaphors-from-movies\/","title":{"rendered":"Therapy Metaphors from Movies"},"content":{"rendered":"

In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we speak of a cycle which captures the couple in distress.\u00a0 Often there will be a partner\u00a0caught in the cycle who will\u00a0experience deep, visceral<\/em> anxiety over being left alone.\u00a0 That feeling of utter isolation has br\"\"<\/a>ought to my mind an iconic scene from Kubrick’s classic 2001 – A Space Odyssey<\/em>.\u00a0 Frank, one of the two astronauts on the craft which is run by the malevolent computer, HAL, is performing repairs outside.\u00a0 HAL manages to cut Frank’s life-line and we see this desperate figure floating out into nothingness.\u00a0 The spot we see on the right is Frank, struggling for air….unmoored……lost.\u00a0 This is the image that strikes me when I hear of the desperation of the partner\u00a0who feels emotionally abandoned in the relationship.\u00a0 She (not always, but often she<\/em>) will struggle against this panic.\u00a0 It is Frank’s panic as he disappears into a vacuum.<\/p>\n

So often, when one partner experiences the panic of isolation in the void the response will be heightened protest – a very intense effort to achieve some connection….some oxygen.\u00a0 This may be experienced by the other partner as attack.\u00a0 His (not always, but often his)<\/em> experience brings to mind the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan.\u00a0 <\/em>The thousands of landing craft approaching the beach.\u00a0\"\"<\/a> Reinforced steel doors shield<\/em> the soldiers from any assaults.\u00a0 Then, with a spin of a locking-wheel, the door swings down to create a ramp for the the soldiers to disembark.\u00a0 However, many of these men are decimated by machine gun fire before they can move a muscle.\u00a0 It is a violent assault and you want to swing those doors back up to protect the men.\u00a0 People who experience themselves to be the target of the anger and\u00a0desperation \u00a0of their partners, tend to (emotionally) curl up in a self-protective ball.\u00a0 Often, withdrawal to “safety” is the only conceivable step.<\/p>\n

Thus, begins the cycle of pursuit\/protest and withdrawal\/protection that so many couples bring with them to couples therapy.\u00a0 The task we face is to slow down this rapdily spinning cycle.\u00a0 Over time, if we can slow it down, we can begin to create some safety in the couple’s interaction.\u00a0 One will feel less dismissed\/abandoned\/despised and the other will feel less attacked\/demeaned\/despised.\u00a0 Slowly we begin to incorporate a positive momentum in couples interactions.\u00a0 We create a positive<\/em> cycle.\u00a0 I imagine a propellor on the Titanic.\u00a0 The scene from the movie\u00a0can be accessed on the web.<\/a>\u00a0 \"\"<\/a>In a panic, the watchmen phone down to the engine room.\u00a0 These people have no time to reverse the course of the great ship.\u00a0 We watch the propellers slow to a stop and then reverse themselves.<\/p>\n

The hope of the work we do, is to support couples in their passage from propellers spinning in their cycle at full speed\u00a0 – slowing to a stop – then picking back up at full speed, supporting a positive cycle.<\/p>\n

Thank you James Cameron, Steven Spielberg and Stanley Kubrick – marital theorists all!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we speak of a cycle which captures the couple in distress.\u00a0 Often there will be a partner\u00a0caught in the cycle who will\u00a0experience deep, visceral anxiety over being left alone.\u00a0 That feeling of utter isolation has brought to my mind an iconic scene from Kubrick’s classic 2001 – A Space Odyssey.\u00a0 Frank, Continue reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,5],"tags":[25,41,8,31],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=837"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":840,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837\/revisions\/840"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}