{"id":735,"date":"2013-03-12T08:06:47","date_gmt":"2013-03-12T15:06:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/?p=735"},"modified":"2013-03-17T12:54:35","modified_gmt":"2013-03-17T19:54:35","slug":"my-two-big-beefs-part-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2013\/03\/my-two-big-beefs-part-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"My Two Big Beefs &#8211; Part II"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2013\/03\/my-two-big-beefs-part-ii\/soapbox-1-2\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-736\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright  wp-image-736\" title=\"soapbox.1\" src=\"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/soapbox.11-138x150.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"83\" height=\"100\" \/><\/a>Beef No. 2 &#8211; Martial Therapists are <em>not<\/em> umpires.\u00a0 Their job is not to hear each person&#8217;s complaints and to decide which one is more right than the other.\u00a0 It is this belief that both clients and some couples counselors embrace that makes couples therapy the <em>least<\/em> successful therapy with the highest failure rate.\u00a0 However, those trained in a specific approach to <em>couples<\/em> therapy (of which there are a handful), are remarkably more successful.\u00a0 Clients enter couples counseling with both a great certainty and a great fear.\u00a0 The certainty is that the problems the couple\u00a0are experiencing\u00a0are\u00a0mostly because of their partner.\u00a0 The fear is that they, themselves, will be blamed.\u00a0 Blame and shame &#8211; these are the boulders on the shoulders of the individuals commencing couples therapy.\u00a0 Any therapist who tries to impart to each person, &#8220;If you do a little more of this or a little less of that you will improve your relationship,&#8221; will\u00a0ultimately do more harm than good.\u00a0 \u00a0What a shame that therapists (mostly trained in <em>individual<\/em> therapy &#8211; and often quite good at <em>individual<\/em> therapy) create an environment of blame and defensiveness that will usually result in one person feeling more identified as a problem, unheard, shamed and <em>definitely<\/em> unsafe.\u00a0 This doesn&#8217;t have to be, but couples therapists have to avoid becoming overly engaged in the tangle of content.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Beef No. 2 &#8211; Martial Therapists are not umpires.\u00a0 Their job is not to hear each person&#8217;s complaints and to decide which one is more right than the other.\u00a0 It is this belief that both clients and some couples counselors embrace that makes couples therapy the least successful therapy with the highest failure rate.\u00a0 However, <a href=\"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2013\/03\/my-two-big-beefs-part-ii\/\">Continue reading &#8594;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,5],"tags":[25,41],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/735"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=735"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/735\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":739,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/735\/revisions\/739"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=735"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=735"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=735"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}