{"id":690,"date":"2012-04-05T11:09:08","date_gmt":"2012-04-05T18:09:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/?p=690"},"modified":"2012-04-05T12:07:40","modified_gmt":"2012-04-05T19:07:40","slug":"heshe-said-that","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2012\/04\/heshe-said-that\/","title":{"rendered":"He\/She Said THAT??"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I hear it so often in my office. \u00a0One partner or the other (usually both) will report that in the height of some nasty fight they escalated into, one of them said something so wounding that the target is still bruised. \u00a0He or she struggles with how to make sense of a world where they are supposed to be working on their relationship and at the same time things are said which couldn’t feel more destructive. \u00a0It’s heartbreaking to see the pain that good people can inflict on one another when they have escalated to the outer reaches of their own cycle. \u00a0 It is an inescapable fact that when two people are reacting to each other from the raw and vulnerable places inside – and they are swept up in their cycle of fear, anger and reactivity, they can spin so fast (almost instantaneously) that both feel out of control. \u00a0 It is for sure<\/em>\u00a0that these deeply hurtful statements aren’t made during a placid dinner conversation right after, “Please pass the peas.” \u00a0These missiles that are launched almost always occur when the cycle is spinning so fast, that the centrifugal force of both people’s emotional reactivity throws them to the extreme edge of their experience. \u00a0So, rather than mull on the thing said, it’s far more helpful to view the statements as symptomatic of a cycle that has gone from “zero to 60” in a nanosceond. \u00a0The path to healing is to begin to find ways to catch ourselves at the very beginning stages of this emotionally reactive cycle – to slow it down at the outset and step out of this tightly choreographed automatic dance.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I hear it so often in my office. \u00a0One partner or the other (usually both) will report that in the height of some nasty fight they escalated into, one of them said something so wounding that the target is still bruised. \u00a0He or she struggles with how to make sense of a world where they Continue reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,5],"tags":[25,41,20,8],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/690"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=690"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/690\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":693,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/690\/revisions\/693"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=690"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=690"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=690"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}