{"id":35,"date":"2010-06-03T15:23:48","date_gmt":"2010-06-03T22:23:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shaublaw.com\/blog\/?p=35"},"modified":"2010-12-19T10:13:39","modified_gmt":"2010-12-19T17:13:39","slug":"dont-have-to-divorc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2010\/06\/dont-have-to-divorc\/","title":{"rendered":"When Divorcing Folks Don’t Have to Get Divorced"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Over the last year, I have felt my practice moving away<\/em> from divorce law and toward <\/em>helping people maintain their relationships.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I began to realize that the great majority of couples I help in mediation did not have to get divorced.\u00a0 <\/span>(Now that\u2019s a bit more complicated than this simple statement suggests, because by the time they go to a lawyer or divorce mediation, one of them<\/em>, at least, has withdrawn from the marriage.\u00a0 <\/span>For them the marriage is over<\/em> and any effort to get them to change their mind will just be futile \u2013more on that in another post<\/em>.)\u00a0 <\/span>Still, had these poor stressed and wounded people gotten some help on their relationship before the threshold to dissolution had been crossed, a relationship felt to be beyond repair could rise from the ashes.\u00a0 <\/span>John Gottman, Ph.D. famously observed that studies suggest that, on average, couples wait six years<\/em> <\/span>after they know there are serious problems with their relationship, to see a counselor.\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s why any couples counselor has got to expect people to be hurt, angry, polarized and emotionally reactive when they first come in.\u00a0 <\/span>Yet conflict and pain \u2013 even that which has endured for a few years \u2013 need not bring hopelessness.\u00a0 <\/span>I have seen people re-establish connections and heal old wounds.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s just a shame that so many couples I have worked with in the divorce arena never got that help in time.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Over the last year, I have felt my practice moving away from divorce law and toward helping people maintain their relationships.\u00a0\u00a0 I began to realize that the great majority of couples I help in mediation did not have to get divorced.\u00a0 (Now that\u2019s a bit more complicated than this simple statement suggests, Continue reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5],"tags":[41,8],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions\/36"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}