{"id":320,"date":"2010-11-25T12:19:24","date_gmt":"2010-11-25T19:19:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/?p=320"},"modified":"2010-11-28T20:17:41","modified_gmt":"2010-11-29T03:17:41","slug":"attachment-the-tie-the-truly-binds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2010\/11\/attachment-the-tie-the-truly-binds\/","title":{"rendered":"Attachment – The Tie That Truly Binds"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Two lovers come into the therapist’s office, raw and wounded from months, or years, of painful conflict.\u00a0 Perhaps they are in their seventh year of marriage.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe they’ve been together 20 years.\u00a0 (Marriage expert John Gottman says that the two peaks for divorce are in the first 7 years of marriage or in the 16-20 year range.)\u00a0\u00a0 Whatever their time together, there is one thing that most of these very sad and stressed couples have in common:\u00a0 Their relationship shares the basic need for Attachment <\/em>that this mother and\u00a0child display\u00a0.\u00a0\u00a0 What is “attachment?”\u00a0\u00a0 As John Bowlby first explained to us, attachment is a fundamental <\/em>need for connection with another.\u00a0 It is as biologically driven as food.\u00a0 Children deprived of a safe, secure bond with a caregiver (usually the mother, but not always) will suffer dearly.\u00a0 This need doesn’t go away just because we grow hair under our arms.\u00a0\u00a0 It prevails throughout life.\u00a0\u00a0 Attachment for a one year old means a secure base.\u00a0 Touch mom.\u00a0 Know she’s there.\u00a0 Then explore your world.\u00a0 Without that base, life is overwhelming and the child is lost.\u00a0 Attachment means a safe haven.\u00a0\u00a0 When life threatens, our attachment figure is where we turn for security.\u00a0 If you think this is just about babies ask yourself: Have I been more productive and comfortable in the world as an adult when I was in a\u00a0secure relationship (if you have been so fortunate)?\u00a0 Ask as well:\u00a0 Who did adults call on their cell phones when the airliners slammed into the Twin Towers on 9\/11?\u00a0 Their husbands\/wives\/partners\/closest friends…first call was to attachment figures.\u00a0 The godmother of adult attachment theory and how it affects our intimate relationships is Dr. Sue Johnson.\u00a0 Her approach to marital therapy for these desperately struggling people who are bonded, yet alienated, is Emotionally Focused Therapy<\/a>.\u00a0 Her book\u00a0 Hold Me Tight<\/a>\u00a0is a guiding light for couples seeking reconnection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Two lovers come into the therapist’s office, raw and wounded from months, or years, of painful conflict.\u00a0 Perhaps they are in their seventh year of marriage.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe they’ve been together 20 years.\u00a0 (Marriage expert John Gottman says that the two peaks for divorce are in the first 7 years of marriage or in the 16-20 Continue reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,5],"tags":[25,21],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=320"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":333,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320\/revisions\/333"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}