{"id":1366,"date":"2015-12-28T09:50:02","date_gmt":"2015-12-28T16:50:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/?p=1366"},"modified":"2015-12-28T09:50:02","modified_gmt":"2015-12-28T16:50:02","slug":"on-vulnerability-safety-and-cats","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/2015\/12\/on-vulnerability-safety-and-cats\/","title":{"rendered":"On Vulnerability, Safety and Cats"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"cat\"<\/a>First, let me be clear, I am a dog person. \u00a0I am allergic to cats and never understood them. \u00a0I tip my cap to the feline fans. \u00a0Why do I mention this? \u00a0Read on and you will understand.<\/p>\n

So much can be gained through the safety engendered by personal disclosure. \u00a0It is undeniable that when we get to know another person, we are less likely to succumb to stereotypes and projections of what is going on inside of them. \u00a0In his excellent book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team<\/a>, Patrick Lencioni notes that the first step towards establishing a cohesive team is the establishment of trust. \u00a0He tells us that the barrier to this trust is the need to appear invulnerable. \u00a0The solution: Display some vulnerability. \u00a0How to do this?<\/p>\n

Well, in the work-world an abundance of vulnerability is\u00a0unwise and unnecessary. \u00a0Yet, even such seemingly bland disclosures as where one grew up and their number of siblings can be a low-risk and valuable instrument of bonding. \u00a0I recently was privileged to run a retreat for a local collaborative group and that simple “share” opened the door to later, much more significant personal disclosures about the relationships\u00a0within<\/em> the group. \u00a0In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the real breakthroughs of connection come when enough safety has been created as a platform, allowing the individuals to open up long withheld (often even from themselves) yearnings and vulnerabilities. \u00a0These, of course will go quite a bit deeper than those aforesaid workplace disclosures.<\/p>\n

Some months ago the New York Times ran a story about a study by psychologist Arthur Aron, which held\u00a0that “sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure” deepened relationships. \u00a0In order to demonstrate the power of this hypothesis, Aron crated 36 questions which he said were guaranteed to jump-start the deepening of intimacy in any relationship. \u00a0They are in three clusters, each diving a bit deeper than the one before. \u00a0Cluster 1 Questions<\/strong> include: Would you like to be famous? \u00a0In what way? and<\/em> Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? \u00a0Why? \u00a0Cluster 2 Questions<\/strong> include: What is your most treasured memory? \u00a0and\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? \u00a0Cluster 3 Questions<\/strong> include: Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ______”\u00a0and<\/em>\u00a0What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Here is the article<\/a>\u00a0and those 36 questions.<\/p>\n

Now AS FOR CATS. \u00a0Clearly, this does not work only for human relationships as you can clearly see in this\u00a0YouTube video.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

First, let me be clear, I am a dog person. \u00a0I am allergic to cats and never understood them. \u00a0I tip my cap to the feline fans. \u00a0Why do I mention this? \u00a0Read on and you will understand. So much can be gained through the safety engendered by personal disclosure. \u00a0It is undeniable that when Continue reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[14,1],"tags":[38],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1366"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1366"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1366\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1367,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1366\/revisions\/1367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/josephshaub.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}